


To remember the memory

by nihonhistory



Series: Aced it [5]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Asexuality, Asexuality Spectrum, Christmas, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Multi, Past Character Death, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 04:43:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8954083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nihonhistory/pseuds/nihonhistory
Summary: Christmas is coming up and Merlin decorates their flat, but then some memories surface that make it difficult for him to fully enjoy the Christmas spirit. Luckily Arthur is there to support him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Christmas season in this story is heavily influenced by the way me and my family celebrates it, so it’s a very German Christmas. Since Merlin spend some time in Germany for his studies on the personal union between Hanover and Great Britain as you might recall from the early stories I think he picked those traditions up during his stay. Because I love the way we celebrate Christmas and I didn’t want to adept to the British traditions in this one. I hope you like it despite some sad moments during the story.
> 
> It's not betaed so all the mistakes are mine. Please enjoy, feedback is alway appreciated

Christmas season had finally begun and Merlin had started playing his Christmas playlist on the computer while decorating their flat. A few stars made out of translucent paper were put on the windows, a nativity set was set up on the shelf, little angels playing various musical instruments were arranged in front of a poinsettia and a bowl with dried slices of orange, cinnamon sticks and a candle was placed in the center of the table. At the beginning he had lit an incense cone in a Räuchermännchen so know the entire flat smelled of sandalwood and while he went about his decorating he hummed along with the music.

When Arthur returned home from work it was already dark outside and a number of candles and the Moravian star near the bay window illuminated the living room in very warm and cozy way. Merlin had curled up on the coach and was reading, but he looked up and smiled as Arthur entered the room.

“Hello love; how was your day?” he asked in a quiet voice that suited the peaceful atmosphere of the room. Arthur walked up to him and pressed a soft kiss on his hair. “It was good; we finished the planning for the Christmas office party. But I’m still glad I’m with you now.”

Merlin’s smile grew even wider. “I’m glad you’re back too. Should I make us some tea while you change?” Arthur nodded and Merlin placed a card in his book before he set it on the coffee table and went into the kitchen to prepare the tea.

~~~~~

Tea mugs in hand they were snuggled on the coach, Merlin leaning against Arthur’s shoulder a blanket over their legs. Arthur hummed contently and took a sip of his tea while taking in all the decorating Merlin had done in the afternoon.

“It’s really lovely how you put all this up. Are those all things from your time in Germany?” Merlin snuggled a bit closer before replying. “Yeah, most of it is. Except the angels; I got most of them from my mum. But they are produced in Germany, so technically…”

“We should invite the others over sometime so they can see this too.” Arthur mussed and placed their now empty mugs to the side, pulled Merlin’s head in his lap and started playing with his hair.

“That’s a great idea! I could bake some of the cookies we had in Germany and we could make mulled wine or hot chocolate or both.” – “The way you’re baking we’ll need to host several Christmas parties or we’ll have enough to last us till Easter.” Merlin stuck his tongue out but didn’t really argue since he had to admit that Arthur did have a point.

“We could do one evening with everyone from work and another with the ace people, we could suggest hosting one of the meetings here instead of the pub.” – “I like that, we can talk about it at the next meeting, I don’t think anyone will object.” – “Me neither, who objects to free cookies after all.” Merlin chuckled.

With this settled they resumed their quiet cuddling, simply enjoying each other’s closeness and the warmth from both the candles and the intimacy they shared.

~~~~

_A couple of days later_

At first Arthur was a little disoriented after waking up in the middle of the night. After a few moments and waking up a little more he noticed a faint noise from Merlin’s side of the bed. He opened his eyes and saw that his boyfriend was almost invisible having pulled up his duvet over his head, but he was still able to see that his body was shaking.

“Merlin?” he asked quietly, voice still thick with sleep. When he didn’t get an answer he moved closer and pulled the bundle that was Merlin in his duvet cocoon into his arms.

“Hey, what’s wrong love?” he whispered. The sobs grew a little louder and Merlin pressed into his body, obviously seeking comfort, but still no vocal response.

Carefully Arthur managed to turn Merlin around so they were facing each other and pulled his boyfriends face to rest against his chest. One arm held him close, the other moved in soothing circles across Merlin’s back while he buried his face in Merlin’s hair whispered comforting words to his lover.

Arthur had no idea how long they lay like this but finally Merlin stopped shacking and his breathing started to even. Arthur almost expected him to simply fall asleep, exhausted from the break down. But instead Merlin shifted a little to make it more comfortable for the both of them to lie close to each other, kissed Arthur’s cheek and mumbled “Thank you.”

“Anytime.” Arthur moved a bit to look into Merlin’s eyes, swollen from crying but wide awake. “Want to tell me what’s wrong?”

Merlin gave him a sad smile. “It just hit me that the anniversary of Gaius’ death is coming up next week.” Arthur squeezed him tide since he know how much Merlin still missed his uncle.

“I mean of course I knew that it was coming up. And I have been fine recently, sure I still miss him and wished he was here, but I’m no longer crushed by the loss. But now…” he paused and took a deep, slightly shaky breath. “But now it just hit me like a ton of bricks and all the sadness was back as if it had only been a few days since he died.”

Arthur pulled him close again; he didn’t really know what to say to this, grief, especially of this magnitude always left him feeling helpless. So he just held Merlin close and murmured “I’m so sorry.”

Merlin took a few more deep breaths. “Thanks. It’s okay. I feel much better know. Like I released some pressure and it’s no longer such a crushing sensation.”

After some time Merlin’s breathing evened and he fell asleep. Arthur lightly stroked his cheek and was soon asleep as well.

~~~~

The next day was a Sunday so they had a lie-in and an elaborate breakfast in the morning, or rather close to noon. After they had finished eating they remained at the table, drinking coffee and talking about everything and nothing. At a break in the conversation Merlin suddenly looked straight at Arthur and said “Thank you for holding me last night.”

Arthur gave him a little smile. “No need to thank me; love. You could have woken me earlier, you know? I might have never met Gaius, but I still miss him in a way, because he’s so important to you. I wish I’d known him.” Merlin’s eyes started to fill with tears again. “I wish that too. He would have liked you.”

Arthur got up, stood behind Merlin’s chair and hugged him. “I want to be there for you. For the good and the bad. Don’t you feel like you can tell me such things?” Merlin took Arthur’s hands in his. “Of course I do. And I probably would have woken you. I was just surprised by the sudden force of my emotions. It’s already been two years after all. Shouldn’t I be over it by now?”

Merlin could feel Arthur’s shrug even though he couldn’t see it. “I don’t know. I think some things just stay with you. And that’s okay. It’s okay to hurt, no matter how much time has passed. It just shows how important he is.” Merlin kissed his hands. “I love you, you know?” Arthur pressed a kiss on Merlin’s hair. “I love you too.”

~~~~

Later that day they were again cuddling on the coach, watching ‘Love actually’. Merlin had insisted on watching it during the Christmas season, because wasn’t Alan Rickman just great and would it ever stop being funny how Hugh Grant danced through Downing Street? Arthur didn’t really mind, he just pretended to for the fun of it. And they had agreed to skip or talk through the porn and Colin storylines.

When Colin started to chat up the American women Arthur muted the TV. “Do you want to do something special on Friday?” he asked.

Merlin shot him a questioning look and evidently needed a moment to figure out what he was asking. “Oh, you mean for the anniversary. No, not really. I don’t want to make a big deal out of it.” He snuggled closer and continued after a moment. “But I’d like to do something. Just to keep me occupied and from overthinking it, you know? Something normal.”

“We could invite the others to show off you’re decoration and feed them some cookies.” Merlin hummed in agreement. “That would be nice. We can ask them tomorrow. I’ll talk to Gwen and Gwaine. Will you cover Morgana and Mordred?” Arthur nodded. “Sure can do. But enough of that now, we’re back with Alan and Emma!” He turned the volume up again.

“Ha! I knew it! You like it too!” Merlin laughed triumphantly and resumed watching with a smile on his lips.

~~~~

_Friday afternoon_

Merlin was sitting on the coach, hugging his legs and starring into the distance. Hazel was curled up on the other end of the coach and took a nap. Arthur carefully sat beside his boyfriend trying not to startle either of them.

“Are you all right?” He asked softly. Merlin blinked a few times and focused his eyes on him. His lips pulled up into a small sad smile. “I’ll be better when everyone gets here.” He said. “I was fine when I had stuff to prepare for tonight and even when I bought a Gerbera to place next to his picture since I can’t visit the grave today. I cried a bit when I put it there, but it was okay. But now I had time to think…not such a great idea…”

Arthur pulled him close and started running his hand up and down his back in soothing motions. Merlin buried his face in Arthur’s chest and took deep calming breaths. Eventually his breathing returned to a normal pace and he relaxed. He took Arthur’s other hand and started to draw patterns on it with his fingers.

“You remember that it’s okay to be upset, right?” Arthur asked after some time. Merlin nodded and tried another smile. “Have you called your mum yet?” – “Yes, I have. She told me she went to the grave in the morning and placed some flowers there. And Alice is coming over for tea and dinner, so neither of them will be all alone.” – “That’s good. And you aren’t alone either.” He gave Merlin a soft kiss on the cheek.

Merlin looked up and a few tears glinted in his eyes, but his smile was less sad now and more honest. He returned the kiss on Arthur’s cheek. “You’re right. Thank you.”

They sat like this for a little while longer. Finally Hazel woke up, stretched and cleaned herself for a bit, before turning to them and meowing in a very demanding sort of way. Merlin chuckled. “I think she wants dinner.” Arthur glanced at his watch. “She’s right. It’s already past six, she’s overdue.”

Merlin got up and started his way towards the kitchen. “I’ll fill up her bowl. And while I’m at it I’ll start on the mulled wine, the others will be here soon.” – “I’ll put out the glasses and cookies in the meantime.” Arthur said and got up as well. Before he went into the kitchen he passed at the bookshelf that held Gaius’ picture and the Gerbera Merlin had gotten earlier. He softly brushed the frame and the flower and whispered “I’ll take good care of him. I promise. Don’t worry about him.”

~~~~

It turned out that Merlin had been right and as soon as Gwaine showed up his sadness mostly went away. Morgana, Mordred and Gwen arrived only moments later.

Everyone was sufficiently impressed by Merlin’s Christmas decoration and more so with his baking skills. Now the candles were lit all over the room and they were sipping mulled wine and eating cookies while talking about everything and nothing.

Merlin and Arthur were back on the coach. This time joined by Gwen, while Morgana and Gwaine had taken the armchairs and Mordred was sitting on the floor next to Morganas chair. Hazel had retreated to the bedroom to nap there in peace.

“It’s like Christmas in a story.” Gwen said. “I feel all warm and fuzzy inside just from the mood this room sets. And being here with all of you only makes it better.” She beamed at everyone. “Thank you both for having us over tonight.”

Arthur smiled and Merlin was beaming almost as much as Gwen. “And we are happy to have you. It just felt right to share all this with you guys and not just keep it to ourselves.”

“You know what’s the only thing missing?” Mordred asked. “More alcohol?” Gwaine suggested and everyone laughed. “Maybe. But that’s not what I meant. Music. We should sing a few carols, don’t you think?”

Gwen clapped her hands excited. “Oh yes!!! We totally should do this!!” Everyone else nodded.

“I think we have a few music sheets with carols in the folder next to the piano.” Merlin said. “Do you think you can accompany us, Arthur?” Arthur pulled a bit of a face. “Not sure, it’s been quite some time since I last played. It would probably be more enjoyable for everyone if Gwen would play. Do you mind?” He asked turning to Gwen.

“Not at all!” She instantly made her way towards the piano in the back of the room, turned on the light next to it and started going through the small folder labeled “Christmas” that lay on top of it.

“How about we start with ‘O Come all ye faithful’? I absolutely love that one.” Nobody had any objections and so they gathered behind Gwen so they could ready the lyrics over her shoulder.

_O Come All Ye Faithful_   
_Joyful and triumphant,_   
_O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem._   
_Come and behold Him,_   
_Born the King of Angels;_   
_O come, let us adore Him,_   
_O come, let us adore Him,_   
_O come, let us adore Him,_   
_Christ the Lord._

Even though it was a 2:4 ratio women to men, Gwen and Morgana were clearly audible above the men’s deeper voices. After the last verse ended there was a moment of quiet while everyone still felt the music that had only just ended.

Merlin sighed and rested his head on Arthur’s shoulder for a moment. “That was beautiful. What’s next?”

“Do you have the sheets for ‘Good King Wenceslas’?” Gwaine asked. Arthur nodded. “They should be in there somewhere.”

Gwen rummaged through the folder and only moments later she announced. “Got them!”

And like this they continued for almost an hour. Most of the songs someone suggested could be found in the folder and everyone got to sing a few carols they liked particularly well and hadn’t gotten to sing yet this season.

When it was almost eleven Mordred said “Sorry to be a spoilsport, but I have a dentist appointment really early tomorrow and need to get going.” Shooting a look towards Gwen and Morgana he added “But stay if you like, I don’t mind going on my own.” – “Nonsense.” Morgana interrupted before he had even finished. “We’ll go with you, won’t we, Gwen?” Gwen nodded. “Of course. I’m getting tired as well and wouldn’t mind my bed.”

The three started to get dressed. When she was half-way done buttoning her coat Gwen paused “Should we help you with the dishes before we leave?” She asked Merlin and Arthur. “No need for that.” Arthur said. “The dishwasher’s doing most of it anyway.”

“If that’s so I think I’ll be going as well.” Gwaine said glancing at his watch. “If I leave now I can still catch the next bus. And I wouldn’t mind an early start tomorrow. I want to go to the archive in the morning. I’m sure you two don’t mind a bit alone time.” He added with a suggestive wink.

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Gwaine, we’ve been over this…of course we don’t mind time alone, but we won’t spend it the way you seem to think.” – “I know, I know, I was just kidding.” Gwaine laughed, giving each of them a short goodbye-hug and hurrying down the stairs to not miss his bus and having to wait half an hour in the cold.

“It was a great evening. See you on Monday.” Mordred said and waved his goodbye before stepping out of the flat to make the hall a little less crowded. “It really was.” Morgana said, gave them both a kiss on the cheek and joined him. Gwen was last to leave the flat and pulled them in a surprisingly strong embrace for such a petit person. “Sleep tied.” She said. And with this they were of and the flat was quiet again.

Merlin lead with this back against Arthur’s chest and Arthur hugged him close around the waist. After a couple of minutes Hazel turned up to see if the air had cleared. She rubbed herself against their legs and Arthur released Merlin so he could scratch her behind her ears.

“That really was a nice evening. I’m glad Mordred suggested the singing, I hadn’t thought of that.” Merlin said while petting Hazel. “I’m glad you think so.” Arthur said, getting down as well joining him.

Merlin shot him a smile. “But I’m exhausted know, it’s been a long day. Do you mind if we go to bed and leave the washing up for tomorrow?” – “Not at all. Just let me make sure that all the candles are out. And maybe we should take the glasses in the kitchen so Hazel can’t get to them.” – “Yeah, we probably should do that. I don’t fancy her throwing them off the coffee table.”

So they went back to the living room and while Arthur checked on all the candles Merlin started moving the dishes to the kitchen counter that Hazel knew was forbidden territory and thus save for everything breakable. Soon everything was sitting there, waiting to be dealt with in the morning.

Merlin checked on Hazel’s food and water again and then they went to bed. Cuddled up against Arthur, Merlin fell asleep after just a few minutes. Arthur was awake a little while longer, running his fingers through Merlin’s hair and thinking about how happy he was to have his boyfriend and his friends in general, but shortly after Hazel’s routine check up on them he too fell asleep.

 

**Author's Note:**

> The idea of Hazel checking on them every night after they went to bed is something that’s inspired by my parents’ cat. When everyone has turned in for the night and the flat is quiet she goes into every bedroom to check on everyone, probably wondering where the humans went and making sure everyone is alright ;)  
> Originally this was supposed to be up a lot sooner and show them to actually celebrate Christmas together. But life got in the way and I was lacking inspiration so I cut it short. I hope you still like and wish you a merry Christmas and happy holidays.


End file.
